Things each of the Cullen kids can't do
by Master Spy advenger
Summary: Carlisle is done with his kids behavior, so he makes lists of things they have done and can't do any more. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

Same olds same old, I did not think of twilight, therefore I go not own it, therefore I am not making any money on this FANWORK id it was Stephenie Meyers writing, it would published in a book, not online

THINGS EACH OF THE CULLEN KIDS CAN NOT DO

EDWARD

1) Announce what people are thinking, it's creepy and annoying

2) Break the treaty by killing Jacob; I don't care what he did to your CDs

3) Or you're piano either

4) Go up to people at school and tell them they smell edible, just to freak the out

5) You are not to tell Jasper that Hannah Montana is a bad singer

6) or Emmett

7) or Seth

8) or Mike

9) You are not to post the picture of Mike playing Barbie's on myspace

10) Or face book

11) You can not check into rehab again

12) You can not write your history paper on the wars between vampires and werewolves, and for your visual aid, bring in Collin

13) The have him phase

14) Get Leah a membership to e-harmony

15) Make fun of Embry because he imprinted in Paris Hilton's dog


	2. Rosalie

**Still don't own twilight, I'm just a story leech**

**ROSALIE **

1) You can not have a high speed car race to New York with Alice again

2) You can not tell people that since Jasper is your twin, you act exactly alike when you are not in school, the world can only take one of you

3) You can not hit Emmett in the head; he only has so many brain cells so don't kill them

4) You can not threaten to divorce Emmett, we all know you won't but he doesn't, and it makes him have a meltdown

5) Try to control your emotions around Jasper

6) You and Alice can not go shopping together any more; God knows what will happen this time

7) You can not go on America's next top model

8) We all know you hate Paris Hilton, stop complaining about it

9) You can not randomly cross the boarder to La Push, just to freak the wolves out

10) You are not allowed to be in the same room as Leah, it's in everyone's best interest

11) You can not keep trying to force Jasper and Alice to get married again, unless you want your head ripped off

12) Control your thoughts on other people around Edward, including thoughts on him

13) You can not tell people that Edward stalked you while you were human, because he didn't and it makes you sound vain

14) You can not watch pregnancy shows on the health channel any more

15) You can not kidnap another baby from the hospital, we all know what happened last time


	3. bella

I don't own twilight, it ALL belongs to Stephenie Meyers and maybe Summit studios a little. There were ALOT of type-os in this! if you read it before 9:42 oregon time, re-read it

BELLA

1)don't Call me Dr. McSparkly, that's only okay when Esme does it

2) Randomly dump glitter on people at school

3) Then run away laughing like a crack head

4) Edward is Edward, he is not Eddie, he is not Eddie-poo, he is Edward

5) You can not force any vampire you come into contact with to eat human food if you value your life

6) You can't go to La Push so your future blacks out just to scare Alice

7) You are not a lamb; therefore you should not act like one

8) Renesmee is your daughter, not a tool to use so you can pull pranks on Alice without her knowing

9) You are a vampire, so you shouldn't act clumsy to amuse Emmett

10) You should not give Mike a Bella-Barbie just to annoy Edward

11) Having major mood swings while Jasper is in the same room as you is not nice, so don't do it

12) Next time you poke around in my office; do not offer Emmett a new drug you found in there

13) When you feel like killing Jacob because he's dating Nessie, don't

14) Since Nessie is now a 15 year old or the size of at least, you need to let her leave the nest. Running around the mall yelling for her when she wanders off is not letting her leave the nest

15) Do not make this list 'vanish' again


	4. emmett

**I don't own twilight, catch on people**

**Allikttenkat1 gets a big Edward shaped cookie from me for all the great reviews! Enjoy!**

EMMETT

1) You are not a ninja, so do not pretend to be one

2) You can't hold Alice upside down by her ankle, this annoys her

3) You can not accept the new drugs that Bella offers you

4) You are not allowed to enter wal-mart under any circumstances, not after what happened last time

5) Betting with Jasper is now frowned upon

6) As is wrestling

7) Next time one of the girls brings home an animal, you can not eat it, I don't care how good it tastes

8) Next time you play Halo remember, Rosalie is on your team, and it is not fun to see how long it takes to kill her

9) Be more careful with the controllers, people will start wondering why we buy a couple dozen every week

10) You can not pretend that you 'Captain Emmett' or any other super hero that you made up

11) You are banned from playing truth or dare ever again, you Renesmee will never be the same again after the last game

12) You can not dress up like a wolf and play with Seth and Brady, it freaks them out

13) You can not go into Edward's room and start singing Hannah Montana at the top of your lungs, just because you know she's a bad singer and he hates her

14) You can not hide in a closet to see how long it takes to find you

15) If you have a problem with someone remember, violence is never the answer


	5. Jasper

**A big MWAH to every one that reviewed! (Still don't own twilight BTW)**

**JASPER **

1) For you, darts is an out side game. Always.

2) You are no longer in the army, pretending you are will only make people think you are crazy

3) Humans are friends, not food

4) The South lost the war, get over it

5) Never allow Alice to give you another make-over

6) Emmett is your brother, so please don't break him

7) You are not allowed to go to the school therapist and tell them that you need 'professional help'

8) If you wish to remain married to Alice, never, ever touch her clothes in a violent manner

9) You are not allowed to sing 'wake up' by Hillary Duff running through Forks at three in the morning

10) Snow White was just a movie, and remember, when you get all emo over it, so does every body else

11) You are never allowed within 50 miles of Cuba for the rest of eternity; don't google Cuba, don't even think about Cuba, or Edward **Will** catch you

12) You can not change your screen name to Mr. Happy Sunshine Man; we prefer the dark side of you

13) You are not to talk like a British person ever, it is so annoying!

14) The neighbor's cats should not 'run away'

15) You are never to drink Energy drinks again, your worse than Emmett and Alice put together on those


	6. Alice

**I've been as hyper as Alice since I started getting good reviews! (I honestly didn't think people would like this) So there's Alice's list! After this I'm going to do some of the pack, so look out for that! (Twilight still isn't mine!)**

**ALICE**

1) You can not kill someone just because they too the last Valentino dress in your size

2) Make overs are only for the willing. Bella is not part of the willing

3) Renesmee is not your paper doll; you are not allowed to dress her

4) You can not host another dance party, last time we had to move the next day

5) You are not to lie about the future (This includes calling people and telling them that their future just went black)

6) If you must shop every day, you can not go over board

7) You are not allowed blood with a high sugar level, we all know what that does to you and it isn't pretty

8) Do not say any more than 8,000 words a day, for our shake

9) You can not hide in Bella's closet, and then jump out in the middle of the night screaming just to get back at her for going to La Push

10) Do not mess with Edward's car; this puts your life in risk

11) We all know that you like the Jonas Bothers, never sing their songs or think about them around Edward, he doesn't like music that isn't at least as old as he is

12) Do not go up to people at school and tell them their future, and then act surprised when it comes true

13) Bringing animals in this house is a death sentence to them, so don't do it

14) You can not kidnap Bella and take her shopping, this annoys her

15) Your teeth are not a every tool


	7. renesmee

**RENESMEE**

1) You can not sing 'Oops I did it again' every time you get in trouble

2) Your dad does not like Jacob, so don't show him the picture of you two making out

3) Your mom is going to keep killing any and all mice you bring home, so stop bringing them home

4) You can not run away to Italy and tell the Voultri that you became venomous and now are a bloodthirsty beast.

5) You are not to tell go to a blood drive and personally thank every one there for giving their blood, and then tell them it will probably be drunk be a vampire in the near future

6) Then say you know this for sure because your dad reads minds and your aunt sees the future

7) Next time you want to come see me at the hospital, don't

8) You can not invite the entire pack over; Esme will have a panic attack

9) You can not try to invent another time machine

10) No more text messaging, ever

11) Do not call Emmett Emmy, last time he wore a dress for a week

12) You are only four, acting like a sassy teen is annoying

13) You are not allowed to IM your dad, then half way through your talk; change your screen name to DadmeandJacobaregettingmarried not unless you want him to kill you

14) Do not put anything in your father's piano

15) Never act like a spy in target again


	8. Jacob

**JACOB**

1) You can not dress up like a vampire for Halloween

2) or a werewolf

3) You must obey all rules and laws set forth by Edward and Bella when it comes to Renesmee

4) You may not harm any of the other pack members; they'll heal in a day or two so there's no point

5) Running away to Canada is not a solution to your problems

6) You should not tell Rosalie anymore blonde jokes, because she **will** get her revenge

7) Keep your comments to yourself

8) Acting like a dog is only funny to you

9) Stop inviting Leah over

10) **Never **invite Paul over

11) Just because you imprinted on Renesmee does not mean you can randomly take her out of state

12) The next time you meet a vampire friend of ours, remember they will kill you if you call them leech, parasite, or bloodsucker

13) Sticky keys is a tool, not something you can use to enslave the free world

14) Emmett can't help the fact that he's a four year stuck in a 20 year old body, don't encourage him

15) You are not to pretend that you have rabies


	9. seth

**SETH**

1) Getting involved in Jasper and Emmett's bets is a horrible idea

2) As is a game of truth or dare

3) Stay out of our vampire chat rooms, we go there to avoid you

4) Keep your hands off Rosalie's eye glitter

5) You can not go to school and call Jacob or any one else your 'pack buddy'

6) Leah may be your sister, but that does not mean you can bring her over next time you come over

7) Nessie must stay out of all trees; it is your sworn duty to monitor that

8) Nessie and Claire do not like each other, locking them in a closet together will only cause one of them death

9) The pack does not want to go on Dr. Drew to work out their 'problems'

10) You are not allowed to watch the Tyra Banks show again

11) You are not allowed to watch any soap opera or talk show again

12) You can not take a cross country road trip, and say you were looking for your imprint

13) You and Emmett can not wrestle again; one of you will **die** the next time

14) You can not start a law that makes the letter O illegal

15) Next time you pretend to be wolf man, stay in La Push


	10. charlie

**CHARLIE**

1) You can not report Bella missing every time she does not answer the phone

2) You can not drive around town with your siren on just to see what people do

3) You can not randomly arrest people

4) And then tell them their bail is 1,000,000,000,000,000 dollars, you know that that is illegal

5) You can not get Bella and Jacob married in your head

6) You can not sign Edward up for the peace corp. hoping that Bella will fall for Jacob while he is away

7) Bella will never date/marry/kiss/hug passionately Jacob, get over it

8) You need to delete your myspace page, it freaks Bella out

9) You can not call Jacob the Big Bad Wolf; this makes him feel girly for some reason

10) You can not ask what Bella was really doing in Italy; it's in your best interest

11) You can not get drunk any more; you're scary when you're drunk

12) Your gun is for official use only, not to shoot down all the boys that her ever shown interest in Bella

13) Bella would like it if you never watched her ballet recital videos

14) Or any videos that feature her falling/ stumbling in them

15) You can stand at random spots in town with a speed gun just waiting for somebody to come by speeding

**Wow, this was surprisingly hard to write! I personally think that this isn't my best work, so hope for better in the next chapter, happy new year**, **may 2009 be a great year for twilight!**


	11. Kate

**KATE **

1) You are not allowed to randomly shock people

2) You are not allowed to send any one in the Volturi a bomb

3) or any thing other than a very angry letter

4) You can not make fun of Tanya because she hasn't found a mate yet

5) You are not allowed to randomly kidnap Nessie

6) You aren't allowed to go in an elevator and do any thing annoying ever again

7) Next time Emmett calls and tells you that we are all playing truth or dare, DON'T COME

8) You are not like a jellyfish, nor will you ever be one

9) You can not fill out all the memo boxes in checks for 'assassinating the president'

10) You can not call one of us and never hang up, just breathing loudly, when we hang up, call us back over and over again until we pick up

11) You can not take Rosalie's car apart just to see what she would do

12) You can not beat her car with Edward's piano to see what they would both do

13) You are to take a two week course in anger management

14) You can not write a list about things I can't do

15) You can not randomly sneak to Forks and start paint balling every one


	12. esme

**ESME**

1) You can not fill the house with flowers

2) You can not enroll all the kids in Pre School just so you know what it's like

3) You can not attack the next person to say your hair is caramel colored

4) You can not start a group therapy session with Rosalie and Leah

5) You can not pretend to fall to your death again

6) You can not talk to Nessie like a baby, this is annoying to her

7) You might wonder why I'm making a list for my wife, don't ask

8) You can not have another 'motherly moment'

9) You can not ding dong ditch Charlie

10) You can not make up some marriage law that says that you don't have to fallow this list

11) You can not sign me up for another self help program

12) We are not allowed in La Push, so you can't go over there to be motherly to all the wolves

13) You can not go over board with gardening again

14) You can not go to the kid's school

15) You can not force the wolves to let you mother them, that's probably breaking the treaty

**This was so hard, since Esme is always so perfect! **


	13. truth or dare

**Rules on truth or dare have been a popular rule for every one, so here is my version of a Cullen game of truth or dare!**

Kate's point of view

I'm so bored right now I could just shock someone for the heck of it. It's been a long time since I have been so pitifully horribly deathly bored, and that's saying a lot for a vampire.

My cell phone started to ring in my purse; it was on vibrating so it makes the whole thing shake. It was a text message from Emmett, now I'm scared. I slowly moved my thumb to open the text message, terrified of what it will say. Oh Jesus you have got to be kidding me, he wants to play truth or dare and he insists we all come down to Forks this very second to play with them. Could he be any more of a child? Oh well, I am bored, so I might as well. I went to get Tanya and every body else, so we could leave before Emmett started sending me texts asking where I am, when we'll be there, and ordering me to hurry up.

**Yeah, that's all you get for now! (Insert evil laugh) **


	14. let the games begin!

**Kate's point of view!!!!!**

"You are such a baby Emmett!" I yelled when they finally got to Forks. He expected them to just get there in a few minutes, like it didn't take any time at all to get to Washington from Alaska. Idiot.

"Ok, can we just like, start this thing already?" Rosalie complained. "I have a life you know." That was so like her, what kind of life did anyone have at two thirty in the morning? No one, that's who. I didn't dare say this out loud though, I really do value my life and keeping it out of harm's way. And dear jesus, Rosalie can be a freaking shrew when she wants to be. I could hear Edward laughing behind me. I quickly thought 'If you ever tell her anything I think tonight you'll end up in a deep dark place where no one can hear you scream.' He'll never doubt the power of kate!

"Not if I have anything to do with it," Bella said. She had taken a slight brake from arguing with Nessie about how she couldn't play tonight because we would be 'too rough on her.' Yeah right….. wait…… we probably would be. Well, what's the fun of being an immortal vampire if you can't embrace it? I'll tell you how much fun I see out of a life like that, zero percent.

"Nessie, out!" Bella literally screamed. If she were human, I bet she would be all red faced and ferious right now. I could even picture it! Oh wow, good times.

Nessie did leave, but not without stomping extra loud up the stairs and mumbling nonsense as she went.

"Okay, since Rosalie wants to get this over with so much," Tanya said, "I think she should go first."

"I second that," I said, earning a terrifying look from Rosalie. She didn't scare me, I was all mighty kate, ready to take down anything! Really, I mean it.

"Fire away Tanya." Edward said, leaning back to enjoy the show.

"I hate you Edward, I hate you so much," Rosalie mumbled in response.

"I love you too oh dear sister of mine." He answered with a grin on his face. I'm not sure if it was from his and Rosalie's little fight or at what tanya was thinking she should either ask Rosalie or make her do. It's times like these I wish I could read minds.

"Okay Rosalie, truth or dare?" Tanya asked finally, even though barely five seconds had passed for her to come up with something good for either senario.

"Dare, because I'm not a baby like little edward over is!" Rosalie declared proudly, and everyone burst out laughing. If edward could blush, he would be in the danger zone right now.

"Okay, you have to call up jacob, and tell him that you are dying to go out on a date with him, and that you've put up with Emmett long enough and you're ready for a real man." Tanya said.

"Hey, I'm right over here!" Emmett growled at her. He looked fairly mad at her before he realiszed the whole 'real man' thing was part of the game. Have I all ready called him an idiot yet tonight?

"Okay, get me a phone." Rosalie said, clear;y not happy about this.

"Oh yeah, and if he asks, you have to say you're totaslly serious and this is not a dare of any shape or form." Tanya went on.

"here," Bella said, handing Rosalie her cell phone, "Jacob is speed dail four,"

"Whoa! Four? Why so high up on the speed dail spectrum missy? Do you got a promblem with this affair edward?" Rosalie asked.

"Rosalie, if you stall one second longer there will be trouble!" Tanya warned. Wow, if we were human, there would have been like three or four red faces right now.

"Okay Mommy I'm going right now," Rosalie said, then hit the number four on the phone and hit send.

After three rings, Jacob answered the phone. He sounded really tired, and only then did we realize he would have been asleep at this time. Oh well, too late now I guess.

"Hello?" Rosalie asked.

"You have to sound secuctive!" Tanya hissed. This was just getting better and better for everyone invoulved. Everyone but Rosalie that is.

"What's the matter Bella? Is there some kind of emergency? Did a bomb go off or something?" He sounded like he had been awakened form the dead. Maybe we should have waited for a decent hour to do this…. Eh, now that I think of it, I don't think I could have waited.

"Oh no, Jacob, this is Rosalie." She said in a voice no one had heard use before but on Emmett. She really wasn't going to do this halfway, was she?

"What do you want blondie?" He asked, then there was a massive thumb like he had hit his head on something or something like that. I would have paid to see him hit his head.

"I want you jacob," Rosalie told him, while everyone tried not to laugh and give the whole joke away.

"Uhhh, come again?" he asked, sounding almost scared for his life. Did he think Rosalie wanted to drink his blood or something?

"I've admired you form a far for too long, I need a man in my life and Emmett just isn't enough any more! You're the only one for me Jacob!"

"Well tha-" He started to answer before rosalie cut him off to say, "Nessie doesn't have to know,"

"Okay, I'm haing up now," he said, like he thought Rosalie was on pot or meth or some other hard core drug that was making her act this way.

"I'll call back," She said the very second he finished saying that. What amazing timing she had, she sounded perfectly desperate.

"Good night Rosalie," He said, sounding annoyed and still scared.

"I love you Jacob!" Rosalie said before the line went dead.

"I hate each and every one of you with a the firey passion of my soul," Rosalie said as she hung up the phone and threw it back to Bella.

"But not as much as you love Jacob, right?" Jasper asked, and finally everyone could laugh at what Rosalie had just said.

"You know what, just for that jasper, you're next, truth or dare?"

**Hey I'm baaaaaack!!!! If you want details on why you haven't gotten any updates, just go to my profile and you'll find it, I don't want it a part of my story, but if you wanna know, it's there. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**


	15. Jasper and Kate and the mushrooms!

**Guess who is the most neglectful author on this site? I AM!!!!! Any who, on we go!! **

**NANANANANANANANANANANA Na Na!**

**That's my theme song, like it?**

"Okay Jasper, the clock is ticking, truth or dare?" Rosalie demanded, sounding like she was going to enjoy this. And, odds are, she would. She was evil like that. Tactful, some would even say.

"Truth." Jasper said, knowing that picking a dare would only be what Rosalie wanted, and that it would most likely involve someones first near death experience.

"Ugh, you are such a chicken!" Kate yelled, wanting to know what dare Rosalie had planned for him should he have picked that. Every body wanted to know exactly how deceitful Rosalie could be on a night like tonight.

"Okay, so are you _sure _you want truth?" Rosalie asked, clearly hoping he would change his mind.

"Yes, I value my life too much too much." Jasper told her.

"Okay, then tell us," Rosalie said, leaning in a little for effect, "have you ever used your powers to make someone horny? And if so, how many times?"

Jasper thought for about four seconds (Which was a very long time when you were a vampire) and then said, "Yes, and eleven different times."

"Jasper!" Alice said, "And everyone calls you a gentleman!"

"Hey, I got bored in class, so every now and then I send those kinds of emotions to a kid or two, it's no big deal." Jasper said, wanting to change the subject.

"Now I _could _have it be Rosalie's turn, but getting revenge so soon in the game would be cheating, so I going to go with... Kate, truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Kate shouted right away, not having to think about it at all.

"Okay, now you guys are just rubbing it in!" Renesmee whined from upstairs.

"Go to sleep Nessie!" Bella shouted back up.

"I feel so ignored!" She shouted back.

"Are you guys _done?" _Kate asked, annoyed, "That was very rude you know."

"Sorry," Bella said, clearly not getting that Kate was joking.

"So, Jasper, bring it on!" Kate challenged, ready for whatever he threw her way.

"I dare you to go to the nearest big city and shock random people, and when they ask what you did, say your jellyfish senses were tingling." Jasper said.

"Oh my God, you are such a dork, but I'll do it, and it will be easy!" Kate told him, not at all worried about this dare. She thought she was getting off easy.

All of them ran out the door (Carmen offered to stay behind with Nessie) and quickly found some place that was still populated, despite the early hour.

Kate walked up to the first person she saw, grabbed his arm, and gave him just enough of a shock to startle him.

"What the hell!" The guy yelled, turning around to face her. As soon as he saw her face, all the blood drained from his.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You see, I'm a little jellyfish, and those are my jelly senses flaring up." She said sweetly, then ran away at a human pace. After repeating this over ten times (Some not quit so happy as others, and the streets slowly emptying of targets) they were about to leave, when red lights started to flare.

Kate was arrested for eleven counts of harassment and assault, and, in keeping in truth or dare rules, she had to spend the night in jail. Even though the dare was pretty much the stupidest thing in the world, seeing Kate arrested was priceless.

"Well, now that Kate is in the slammer," Bella said, "I vote that Emmett goes next!"

"Okay, how random is Emmett?" Tanya asked, not getting an answer.

"Emmet, just go before someone has a meltdown." Alice said.

"Okay, I pick Bella! Since she was so nice and gave me a turn."

"Oh joy." Bella said, not happy. Every single time they played she tried to get out of having a turn, but this time, there was no where she could hide, and it was _Emmett _They were talking about.

"Just give me a dare and get it over with," Bella said, looking like she wished she hadn't picked dare. Oh well, it was too late now.

**If you are wondering why this chapter was more retarded than most before it, just know, right now I feel like I swallowed a bag of magic mashrooms, so... yeah... did you like it? I sure had fun writing this short little bundle of joy (:**


	16. The flaw

Right before Bella was about to get her dare, the unthinkable happened.

"Nessie Oh my God I can't believe you called Carlisle and Esme!" Rosalie shouted. Sure enough, there were the parents. And very, very mad that fifteen minutes in one of them was all ready in jail having a drug test taken.

"You should have let me play with you guys!" Nessie retored, looking pleased with herself.

"That is a low shot, and blackmail!" Tanya told her, looking like she was wondering how fast she could run back to Alaska from here.

"Just so everyone here knows," Edward said, " we plead the fifth." Oh, getting out the constitutional rights, huh?**(Fifth amendment: A party cannot be forced to testify any information that would incriminate himself. Yeah, I paid attention in history class when we did the Constitution... mostly because I was sure I could find ways to misuse it (and I do) every day)**

"None of that fifth tonight Edward, or any of you, for that matter," Esme said, "We leave for one night and you get each other arrested. Unbelievable." She grumbled, clearly not happy that we were going to have to come up with some reason for Kate being... well... the living dead. Surely someone there would notice she had no heartbeat if they were checking to make sure she wasn't drunk. If they were going to do a blood test that would be even better, they would spend hours breaking needle after needle in vain attempts to get through her skin before they realized something obtuse was up.

"This is bad, isn't it?" Jasper asked. They had really messed up this time! How hard would it be to cover up the deaths of several police officers... not that death was something they wanted to occure tonight.

"I don't think we should have played this game... Emmett!" Bella snapped. They all knew she was happy though, she had gotten out of her dare.

"None of you had to agree with me!" Emmett deffended himself.

"Honestly Emmett, what would you have done if we said no?" Edward asked, knowing full well himself what would happen. And it wasn't pretty.

"Come on," Carlisle said, "Let's get Kate out of jail and find a way to cover up her being a vampire."

**I'm feeling random tonight...**


	17. Edward revamped

**It MAY or may not seem like over kill to you by now, but really I'm having wayyyyyy too much fun doing this (: So, everyone gets more rules (:**

**New and Improved List for**

**EDWARD**

1) You may not make a James voodoo doll

2) You may not take said voodoo doll and give it to Victoria... after you cut the head off

3) You may not fallow Emmett around with a book of matches in your hand

5) Or a wooden stake, that's just a myth and it's getting really, really old

6) You may not even attempt to fly a plane, this will end in a hijacking situation

7) You may not send Mike countless pictures of your and Bella's wedding

8) You may not fly to Italy and offer to read Aro's mind

9) Or to tell Marcus you know where he can het 'professional help'

10) you cannot some how trick Rosalie into going to a baby shower

11) You cannot hold Jacob hostage until he promises never to date Nessie

12) You must try to control your mood swings, they annoy everyone

13) You cannot go to a hospital in Mexico and attempt to treat someone with the flu, and tell them "I've done this before, and all most totally lived!" that's just lame

14) you cannot attempt to run over Tyler with a van

15) you cannot sharpen your teeth so it looks like you have fangs


	18. Rosalie revamped

**Rosalie's new and improved list**

1) You are not to randomly walk out of class, it freaks out the system

2) You are not to announce that you are one of Charlie's angels to Charlie Swan

3) You are not to make a list of the most popular and beautiful girls at Forks High, and put yourself at the top

4) You are not to have another 'Rosalie vs. Leah' moment

5) You are not to kick another glass wall, you know it will break, and it's starting to get annoying

6) You are not to shove Jacob down the deep dark hole of nothing from which no one escapes

7) Nor are you allowed to kidnap Jacob and ditch him off in Montana

8) Or Wisconsin

9) You are not to go to a farm and release all the animals while yelling 'be free fury brothers!"

10) You are not to ask Edward what Bella is thinking

11) You are not to ask Alice to predict Renesmee's future

12) I don't care what happened, for God's sake never ask Stephan to go teach the Volturi a lesson

13) You are not to buy a white rabbit, have it run past Alice, and announce that Alice should fallow it to wonderland

14) You are not allowed to 'pick up what they are laying down'

15) Don't, just, Don't


	19. Bella revamped

**Bella new and improved**

1) You can not pretend to run away with Jacob

2) You can not attempt to get a tattoo, you know needles don't work on us

3) You can not demand 1st amendment rights when you annoy people by talking during class

4) You can not demand any amentment rights, as you always tend to abuse them

5) You can not go golfing with the diamond Aro gave you as a ball

6) You can not ask Aro if he wants to go to Disney land with you

7) You can not go up to people in Phoenix and ask "Do you to know what **really **happened to the Ballet studio?"

8) You can not change you e-mail to Voldemort_Loves_Puppies

9) You can not attempt to make snap bracelets cool again

10) You can not try and write the next great American novel

11) Or find the Loch Ness Monster

12) Or big foot

13) Or any mythical animal of any kind

14) You cannot go up to random people and say: "I know where you live"

15) You can not find out where these people live and stalk them


	20. Emmett ultra revamped

_AH! ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ARE FREAKING AWESOME! _

**EMMETT'S LIST**

1) you cannot throw cookies at random people

2) and then say it's okay and not to worry, they are oatmeal cookies

3) when some thing distressing happens, you are not to say that there is no need to worry, there is nothing that can't be solved with the power of love and imagination

4) never again will you call Bella "Master Spider Monkey"

5) you cannot randomly go up to humans and ask "Do you know what mother bears do in the wild?"

6) And then proceed to explain to them exactly what mother bears do in the wild

7) don't ask some one if they know what time it is, when you have a perfectly good watch

8) When they tell you what time it, don't say, "Okay... but I'm onto you mister."

9) REALLY don't do this if they person you are talking to is a woman

10) you can't silly string the principals office

11) and remember, silly stringing the principals office while he is in there is just plain stupid

12) You cannot pretend to be of the homosexual population

13) You cannot demand Edward to "Stop acting like a prissy old woman who lives in England with her 72 cats." ever again.

14) You cannot stand up in the middle of class, unbutton your shirt, and announce that you are a sex god

15) You cannot stand up in the middle of class, unbutton your shirt to show a super man shirt, and announce that you are super man

16) And then have Jasper shoot you to prove it

17) You cannot attempt to get "Plastered" drunk by getting animals drunk, and then drinking their blood

18) You cannot lean into Edward and say in a mysterious manner, "Want to know what a singers blood _really _tastes like?"

19) The fallowing words are banned from your vocabulary:

20) Freaking

21) Scandalous

22) Fierce

23) Zany

24) You cannot roar, and then say that you are a lion who lives in the African bush

25) You cannot tell Renesmee about "How this blessed gift came to be" and go into _every _detail

26) You cannot call the Volturi to report a vampire pregnancy

27) And when they get here, shove a pillow in your shirt and tell them it's you

28) When they find out it's a pillow, scream and cry that "they killed your baby"

29) you may not Go up to people you don't even know and say, "I thought I'd never see you again! Brother back from the great war!"

30) don't Threaten Jacob's life

31) **Don't** End Jacob's life

32) don't Go up to some one and say "You and me are tighter than the JoBro's pants"

33) never are you to Get 'saucy'

34) don't Spend hours a day on animal right's chat rooms and forums. It only annoys the activists

35) never Make people watch Billy Nye with you

36) you are not allowed to ask Alice if she needs a therapist

37) Don't ask people to call you the ruler of evil

38) But satan will do

39) don't Dress up like Mickey Mouse on Halloween.

40) you are not allowed to *almost* get killed in Italy to show Edward that he is not the only one who can throw an extreme hissy fit

41) You are not to spend hours trying to get high, face it, it's not going to happen

42) You are not allowed to rip heads off teddy bears for 'revenge'

43) you are not allowed to bend down to Alice's level and say "Is the world **_Always _**this short to you?"

44) You are not to start street racing "Mario cart style"

45) You are not to find an 'evil monkey' and keep him as a pet

46) you are not to end each sentance with "In your pants" or "In bed"

47) you are not allowed to spend all morning watching Nick Jr. and then spend the rest of the day "educating people"

48) You are not allowed to play Indiana Jones

49) You are not allowed to pull out a day planner every time some one asks you to do some thing and say, "Let me see when I can pencil you in..."

50) Don't run, it just makes our job that much harder

51) You are not allowed to nickname every one after some one/some thing from "Transformers"

52) You are not to sneek up behind people typing super fast on a computer (namely me) and press CTRL and F4 on the keyboard

53) Then say it was all part of a social study

54) You are not to talk like you are from the "olden days"

55) You are not to go up to Sam and say "Chill out Mary Poppins."

56) One word: Elmo

57) You are not to say the reason you did not read all these was because you 'lost interest'


	21. Jasper revamped

**Jasper Revamped!**

1) you may not announce that you are the 'solida boy'.

2) you may not comment on Sparta. We all know the Spartans were 'bad ass' as you put it.

3) you cannot attempt to make all the humans around you feel high.

4) you cannot bring up the time we all went to Woodstock every again. Some things are best left forgotten.

5) you may not come up with some highly complex plan to make Bella think that Nessie and Jacob are serial killers wanted by the FBI.

6) you may not drop in to chillax with Jenks.

7) You may not go up to some random human and ask (in a very serious manner while all up in their face) "Do you want to know how I got these scars?"

8) you may not compare the sound of something hitting your stomach to something hitting Emmett's stomach.

9) it would be much appreciatedif you did not get Claire hooked on Webkinz.

10) Nor should you show Claire Youtube

11) In fact, just stay away from Claire

12) you may not start production on 'The next up and comping soap opara' featuring the La Push pack.

13) You may not tell people they are too close to your aura.

14) You may not hijack a car just for the life experience.

15) You may not assist in the next great presidential assassination.

* * *

How was that for OOC?

And here's a qucik question for you all: Is high an emotion?


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